Dear Mr Sewell

You will never believe how hard I've been working this past year (well, maybe you will). That's not my excuse for not writing to you. There is no concrete reason why I haven't written to you before now except that I wasn't sure what I would say. But now I think I have quite a lot to say!

I know you will enjoy reading this letter as much as I will enjoy writing it - even more reason for me to make it as long as possible.

Of course I have been working very hard lately, trying to achieve the best grades possible. If Lorna hasn't already told you, I'm hoping to go to Edinburgh University in September to study English Literature. I'll be there for four years, if all goes well, and I'll have a Masters by the end of it. After that, I'm afraid I still have no idea what I want to do. I need to obtain at least three grade Bs at my A Levels - I'm not worried about achieving this in English and Psychology, but Maths needs a bit of work. I've had 3 Maths exams in the last week, and I'm confident that they are at least at grade B standard. My other exams are spread out over the next three or four weeks, and I'm revising for them the best I can.

There's been a new influence in my life for the past eight months, and that's my boyfriend Paul. You'd be very pleased to know how well he looks after me. He goes to Newcastle College to do Applied Business and Law and he works at ASDA with my Mam. She's given him her approval so it's all good! And he hasn't affected my college work in the slightest, so don't you worry about that. I seem to have had a positive influence on his college work though. He's sitting his AS Level year for the second time this year, because he wasn't good at sticking in last year. But even his family have agreed that since I came along he's concentrated a lot more on his studies. He's completed four A grade standard courseworks and got 100% in his Law exam last January.

He's worried about what will happen when I move to Edinburgh, but we're going to try our best to see each other as often as possible.

I've started to learn how to drive. I've had four hours of practice so far, and I think I'm doing OK, although my steering is edgy and I keep mounting the kerb at corners!

I'm very excited about going to Edinburgh but I'll miss my family, and Paul, and I'm sad about leaving college. The college has been a friend to me for as long as I've been here. The lecturers are lovely people. They don't mind that I obsessively clean the whiteboard every day! The library has been like a sanctuary for peace, because it'st he only quiet place in the college!

You should tell Mr Wallace that he should be jealous - John Grundy bowed down to me on account of my exam results. And tell him the sad news that there won't be another Grundy's Wonders because the TV company have discontinued it. John is currently working on a new project, however. So all is not lost.

I hope that you are well, and that you are content with life. Have the new pupils calmed down yet? I hope that you are still enjoying being a teacher, because you are a credit to the school. I think that you deserve to be recognised as such, however, that's not how it all works, is it? It would make me happy to know that you are happy too, because you were a constant friend to me at Brinkburn even when others weren't. I still think about you; I haven't forgotten about you, despite my silence.

Send my regards to Mr Wallace and Miss Withycombe, and to your wife. I wish you good fortune and happiness,

Love from Kayleigh.

Some Sentiments about Leaving College

Today was the official last day of college and technically I don't have to go back again if I don't want to. But of course, I am obliged to go back for revision classes and the suchlike. This may be why today didn't actually feel like the last day. It wasn't like the last day of school, where we were all dismissed and told goodbye. It doesn't feel like the end, although it is true that I probably won't be seeing a lot of people again. I thought Amanda was going to be one of them, but she refuses to lose contact with me, insisting that we text each other (which, might I add, we never do). At school, I was glad to be leaving. School was holding me back. I was too grown up for all the silly rules about not wearing hats in class, about swearing, about chewing gum. College is much better suited to me because there are no such unnecessary, restrictive rules. I may not wear a hat in class, or even swear very often, but it's nice to know that I can if I want to. I like to be independent and in control. And so while everyone cried about leaving even when they had complained about how they hated it for so long, I thought them petty. They were going to miss their friends. They might never see their friends again. I had barely a true friend to speak of, all of them having betrayed me or been betrayed by me, and anyone who I did speak to was also coming to college. Everyone else's sentiment sickened me. The fact that they could be so dependent on their friends when I knew that given several months and a long separation, they'd all find new friends and wouldn't care a jot for the old ones. I was right in thinking this, of course. The only thing I was sad about leaving was Mr Sewell, who had helped me through an awful lot, and was the only constant friend I had at the school. And after I left, I didn't regret a thing. Even now, I wouldn't go back. Today John Grundy held a discussion with us about the college, about what we thought was good and bad about it. It came to be agreed upon that the college had shit rooms, but I had to speak out and say that they must be endearingly shitty, because I would miss them. I will. I will miss the college. The completely unstrict, respectful college with all its staff waiting with a smile to help you with any aspect of the work, or even just waiting for a pleasant chat. But I'm not really very sentimental about it. I will only miss it temporarily and then I will move on. I'm like that - I embrace change as long as I'm in control. Edinburgh University, I will probably find, will be just the same. I will grow attached to it in the course of the next four years, and I will miss that too when I leave. I decided I absolutely have to buy a bottle of wine for Malcolm. Malcolm is my Maths lecturer and tutor combined. He has somehow managed to teach me how to do Maths when all I really cared about was English Literature. But, y'know, Maths grows on you. Sometimes it's a relief to get away from dilly-dallying essays and get straight down to facts and precision. It seems so much simpler (assuming one knows what one is doing). And so I am at last happy to be leaving the college. Leaving South Shields, in fact. Leaving home. This will be my first adventure. I don't feel scared at all. I'm not the sort of person who feels scared about such things. And I don't feel like I'll moan or whinge about how much I miss college, but nevertheless I will look back at it and everyone there with very fond memories.

The Student with Ambitions

First of all, apologies go out to everyone because I am a sad soul who can never find enough time to write in her blog. Actually, y'know, I take that back. Because being a student is hard work. We all appreciate that now that it's exam time. But all through the year I work hard, not just a week before the exams.

I have always known that I wanted to go to university. That I was going to study English Literature. From a very young age, I knew that. I assumed it was going to happen. Some people want to be footballers, some people want to be popstars, but for me it was university. And that's because I've always loved learning, and I've always loved literature. And because of the former point, I've almost always loved school, and now I love college. And I like to work. I'm one of those people who never has a day off because it makes me feel grotty and lazy, and therefore I always have to be doing something. At college nowadays, I never have a break. I walk straight out of lessons, past the crowd of eager youngsters trying to be heard over the noise, and go into the library as if I own it. I should own it by now - I'm in there more often than the librarians. All my work is done during college hours, and when I come home I'm free to do something else. Like read, or watch TV. But usually, I'm visiting Paul or he's visiting me so I don't have time to read, although admittedly we do watch TV.

The point is, I never have a free moment. I'm on fast forward every day. I have a lot of different commitments, of which college always comes first. Paul knows that. College comes first for him, too. Often we help each other revise, and I've been known to type up his coursework for him as he dictates.

Yesterday I had my third exam. Statistics. It wasn't too bad. I need it to be a B so I can go to Edinburgh University. I need Bs for Psychology and English Literature as well, but I'm not worried about that. I could even get an A for those. But Maths is tougher. So I work on it all day long. I work my way through a practice Maths paper almost every day, and for every marked paper my lecturer gives me back, I give him another two to mark. That's how hard I work.

Anyway, I'm worried. I'm averaging a C in Maths at the moment. And that won't get me anywhere. So what if I only get a C as my final result? My plan is to phone up Edinburgh, brag that I got an A in English (I'm confident about that) and try to persuade them that Maths is irrelevant anyway. But if I don't get in, that will be my dream shattered. Because I always knew I'd go to university. At some times I couldn't imagine myself going there and so I thought perhaps I would be run over by a bus and die before I got there. But here I am, and unless I'm so unfortunate as to be run over the summer before university, then I'm almost there.

My other problem is that I actually never thought about what I was going to do afterwards. So I'll be in Edinburgh, looking lost, with my Masters certificate in hand, jobless. After university, my aim has been achieved. My life will have to point in a different direction for the first time in eighteen years.

A still further problem is seeing Paul. He's still going to live here while he moves up into A2, and I'm going to be gallivanting in Edinburgh. I don't think I'll be able to enjoy the university life I've always dreamed of when I know that he's not there with me. He's scared I'll like university too much and forget about him, and maybe even meet someone else. Someone who lives in Edinburgh. And what about when he goes to uni? We'll both have to find gaps in our timetable then, and what are the chances that we'll be able to afford the time and money to see each other every week. The thing is, we're both ambitious twits. And we've already arranged what our life is going to be like when we're 30. We're going to have super-cool jobs, be rich, have a sports car and lots of basset hounds. In other words, we're both in this for the long run. And university is never going to mess up his and my dream of happiness.

But what about my dream of experiencing university?

Now. Paul's personal ambitions in education. He messed up his first year last year and was heading the same way in this his second AS year too, until I came along and he changed his ways. He's cleverer than me really, and he actually enjoys his work, he just never tried hard enough before. Now he's averaging As in all his subjects, and he has his own ambitions for success. As I said, he's really clever, and unlike myself, Paul has planned for the far future. He's only just got to the end of his AS year and already he knows he wants to go into business or law, which is a suitable life plan really. And me? Well, English doesn't sound like so useful a subject any more. I would never not do English, that's the problem. But my future afterwards is a little hazy. OK, so it's invisible. (Although publishing might not be a bad idea.)

I always thought that I'd be alright at this stage because I had already planned that I would be the youngest author in the world and would be rich as hell and never need a job. Well, I'm past that age now. I could still grab a book deal, I suppose, if I had enough time to write! And if I was super-good at writing, which I can't be because I've had no practice for God knows how long.

Finally, the point is, what do you do when your dreams fall apart? And things you thought were guaranteed to happen don't happen? A bit like losing your innocence and realising for the first time that actually, bad things can happen to you, and believing that they never would was just a childish strain of thought.

And so, after all this I feel a little bit unsteady. I hardly ever quail at the signs of futility ahead. Just yesterday morning, I woke to the futile thought that I would have to write a whole essay and revise for my afternoon exam all at once. And the workload didn't bother me, because I knew what I had do to, and I did it. But here I am, in a position where I don't know what to do. At least, not yet. I have made some plans (like phoning up Edinburgh and begging for that place even if I don't get a B in Maths). But I suppose that I'm trusting life to work it out on its own. Sometimes the best plan of action is just to wait. I'm a confident person, and I'm still in control.

Now comes the test of endurance.