Halloween post

Introduction

I thought you said Ador, at first. A brand name. An Ador curtain; graceful, flowing. The way Tomkins pronounces Adair, and I correct him every time.

I thought you said adore. To love with great passion. Adore curtains. Adore their gracefulness. You bought some today.

What you said was a door curtain. For this Saturday. A black and orange door curtain to set the scene for Halloween.

Halloweenscape

Our house has been transformed.

In the hallway there is a green bulb to light the staircase and welcome our guests. There is a door to left and right.

On the left, the kitchen, labelled 'Blood Bank'. Our vampiric sustenance is stored there.

On the right, the living room, a dungeon covered in cobwebs. The door curtain leads the way in. Everyone enters at their own peril. Bats hang from the ceiling, spiders scuttle across the finger buffet. Macabre music chills the bones of every guest.

Up the stairs, the bathroom has been labelled 'Room of Doom'. Skeletal arrows on the staircase lead the way. Inside the walls are green and gungey, but the light is red. There is a rat on the windowsill to guard the exit, and a china doll stares from the corner.

None of our delightful guests will escape tonight.

29th October is Our Halloween Night

What a laugh we had! It was a full house. But, from the start.

I got dressed up at five thirty. On came the dress with the floaty black sleeves. And the black veil to match. On went the dark eye make up and the black lipstick. Done.

The house, as I say, was transformed.

And my family had turned into the Devil, the Bride of Dracula, a witch and a victim of the mad axeman.

Just after seven o'clock the Devil's twin, the witch's sister and an oddly painted man arrived (AKA Tomkins, Amy and Danny). We started on the lager and the wine respectively, and ate fingers and eyeballs from the nicely arrayed buffet table. Soon other people arrived. Peter and Lindon brought their kids Emily, a nun, and Matthew, as himself, and the kids they're babysitting for the weekend, Elinor, Rowena and the twins Aredhel and Rosalynd. The twins are six years old. My Grandma came as a witch. She stood sipping Croft in the kitchen, chatting to Matthew. She let him have a taste of her Croft:

"Mmm... it tastes like communal wine."

"If that tastes like communal wine, I'll start going to church."

Sarah's (AKA the Bride of Dracula's) boyfriend Sam arrived. Don't let him know that she's being unfaithful, or there'll be hell to pay. Her best friend the fairy arrived shortly afterwards.

My Mam's workmates and my friends Mark and Laura arrived. Dressed up as the guy from Prodigy and a funny looking army nurse. What that's got to do with Halloween I haven't a clue.

Paul arrived wearing an orange T-shirt with 'Pennsylvania Psycho Ward 54363' on it and called it a costume. He didn't stay for long, because less than an hour later he left with Mark and Laura and went clubbing in Newcastle. (Today he came apologising for his scummy behaviour and impoliteness last night, and he brought lager and chocolate as a peace offering. Needless to say I forgave him.)

Tomkins had gone mad with face paint - it ought to be renamed 'face, ears, neck, arm and hand paint'. Yes, he was that stupid. And now there is a pink trace all over the house to indicate his movements last night. Luckily, it comes off with bleach.

The twins got their hands on a wand that flashes green and pointed it at people shouting "DIE!"

Danny got extremely drunk, which has never happened before in the history of Dannydom. He went for random walks up the street and climbed over the fence even though the gate was open. Later on, after I'd passed out, he threw up in the bathroom right next to the toilet.

Myself, Tomkins, Amy and Danny decided to call on an old friend. We haven't seen him since... last year. And he lives across the road from me. Unfortunately he wasn't in, but his parents were and we love his parents because they are cool. So we got invited in for a beer as Margaret sat knitting and Akhtar watched Halloween H2O. Then we went back to mine without anyone realising we had gone.

I fell asleep at about 12 on the settee. When I woke up Amy was on the opposite settee, Sarah and Sam were on the floor, Lorna and Emma were asleep in the bunkbeds and Tomkins was turning my white duvet covers pink.

It was the best night I've had in ages.

Roll on Thursday, when Tomkins turns 18.